Over the course of the last 6 months, my mother has been confirmed as a malignant narcissist. I want nothing to do with her and have not talked to her in two months, but I've slowly transformed my anger towards her into pity for her. I know that calling her and wishing her a happy mothers day would content her, albeit narcissistically. Would I be lending any peace to her soul? Or is it in my best interest to do so, in order to tame any rage that may result from not calling her??
You only get one mother, call her!
And remember resentment is like you drinking the poisin and expecting the other person to die!
Good Luck 
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Wednesday, May 20th, 2009 at 3:11 pm
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May 20th, 2009 at 8:29 pm
Well it is Happy "Mother's" Day, not Happy Son's Day right? So unfortunately, I think your feelings have little to do with the day. It may be difficult, but consider being at least thankful that you have a mother? My brother-in-law's mother died when he was young, and I know he'd be happy to wish a malignant narcissist a happy mother's day. It's in your best interest to stop listening to your head, and go with with your first instinct. If that instinct tells you to call, then call. If not, then don't call. Simple as that.
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May 20th, 2009 at 8:56 pm
You only get one mother, call her!
And remember resentment is like you drinking the poisin and expecting the other person to die!
Good Luck
References :
May 20th, 2009 at 9:12 pm
don't call her. personally in my case, my mom is sort of the same - she thinks she is always right and I don't want to make her feel like a good mother when I think she is doing a pitiful job. I would in fact feel worse after if I called her and made her think she was even deserving of a hi.
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May 20th, 2009 at 9:28 pm
First, I am sorry that you aren't able to have the kind of relationship with your mother that you should be able to have and that your question shows you want to have. People don't ask about things they don't deeply care about. I share your circumstance and your feelings, but my approach, finally, has been to examine that well-known commandment found in the Bible about honoring your Mother and your Father even under the most difficult of circumstances. These circumstances where a parent has used and abused a child as an object and rejected all invitations and expressions of normal intimacy are some of the most difficult to deal with. A parent who does this to their child has betrayed one of the most sacred of trusts and expectations between two human beings. Malignant Narcissism is what they call it now, but originally it was and still is according to God's Word plain old sin. In other wards, even the DVSM from the psychological community supports this view as do court systems, that Malignant Narcissists are well aware that they are inflicting mental and emotional pain on others. Yet, that commandment to honor them is still there. Why? The failsafe here is trusting in God. A situation has developed. A judgment is involved. How have the two parties involved acted towards one another? What are the guidelines? As a child, you have your guidelines, as a mother, she has hers. That is what God is primarily looking at; our feelings, though important to Him, are secondary - yet they add weight to His decision. Your feelings have been violated because a sacred trust was breached by your parent. A trust of intimacy and protection breached when it came to your psychological and emotional needs. They may have provided the physical necessities, but a parent is also responsible in God's eyes for more of your development than that. Dogs can be fed and watered, but children need more. Keep in mind that while God does expect us to obey Him even in the most difficult of circumstances, He does not dismiss the oppression we have suffered. As King David said in the Psalms: "Even if my own mother and father forsook me, even you O, God would take me up." But there is much more at stake here because we have Christ. What we suffer now in doing what is right in the face of someone wronging us, is for a purpose beyond our circumstances. When we do what is right even when someone continues to wrong us, we show mercy to one who has not deserved it for 2 purposes: 1) that they will become ashamed and confess their wrong and change their behavior. 2) that we demonstrate that God's Spirit in us is stronger than the evil being done to us.
Obey God in this instance, and leave your mother's reaction to herself. God is well aware of all that we suffer for His sake. He will not forget it and He will reward it in His time. Like my own circumstances, your mother has been allowed to go on acting in this manner for a purpose which I believe will be revealed in time, and that may be a very long time. So be it. It has been entirely her choice to do this and the choice has been a bad one which has already had bad consequences. Always remember that everything we go through, everything we are allowed to experience in this world has a purpose and a meaning. Let this situation turn out for a good purpose for your future and for your family. Ask God why He has allowed this in your life and in turn, let Him turn it to good for you and your family. Be comforted; you are not alone, dear one. I feel for everything you are going through and so does your heavenly Father. Let Him guide you through it and hold you in His arms when you are spent emotionally. My prayers for your strength, your comfort, and your joy. That joy is your gift from God. Don't let your mother steal it. Instead, lend her your grace and allow God to supply you with more.
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Bible